Well. It all comes full circle. I'm back in my old room at the Ramada Inn. Last night we went to Applebees and had $2 long islands. Just like the first night. One more night here in the South, and I'm back to Kansas City. And no, I have no idea what I'm doing there, but I have a feeling my future will involve a Bennigans. Big surprise.

Everyone else has left...Natalyn and John are at home, and Will, Kenny and Michela are staying in Peachtree City before they fly out early tomorrow. And here I sit. There's a movie theatre across the street showing movies for $2.50, so I may sit through a few of those. All the money stuff is done, I just have to turn in my financial reports to Robert, and I'm totally done with the tour.

We got our Original Cast Recording of Cinderella. It's amusing. I have a feeling it will be played at Christmas.

We passed Waffle House number 200 yesterday. It was a very big deal. I was excited. I may hit the Waffle House down the street for dinner just to relive the fun.

Of course, as I got out of the van for the last time today, Will, Kenny and Michela were fighting. Some things never change.

So I suppose this is the last entry in the "Micky Capades" as Josie put it. Here is a list of what I have learned, a la Bridget Jones:
1) My tolerance for stupidity has gotten much higher. I don't know how. (v.g.)
2) In just the few months since I got done with college, I have learned how to hold my tongue and not get angry with the aforementioned stupid people.
Again, I don't know how. (v.v.g.)
3) I hate luggage.
4) Hotel beds suck.
5) Ebb Tide rocks. Talk to me to get special rates. I think the manager had a little thing for me, even though her husband was right there in the next room. (v.g.?)
6) One can never have too many pens (mostly stolen from hotel rooms).
7) Never loan people money the day before they leave, and you don't see them. I'm out $14. (non-v.g.)
8) Bourbon, although not an incredibly tasty liquor by itself, is outstanding in a cookie. (v.v.g)

So that's it. I hope everyone has been able to live the tour vicariously through me and the magic of the internet. Check back for a revamping of the page soon (although maybe not till after the holidays). Obviously the focus can't be the tour, since, hi! It's over!

Bye now!

Thursday, December 14, 2000
8:28 am
Pompano Beach, FL
Waffle House Count: 189

I'm in Florida. And you're not.

8:32 am

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Thursday, December 7, 2000
11:22 pm
Rome, GA (again)
Waffle House Count: 177

I'm back in my old room at the Ramada Temple of Doom. Weird.

Anyway...tomorrow we have 4 shows. That's right. 4. I cannot believe this, but it is the only time we have ever had to do it, and I thin kwe get an extra $15 for it. Yay. That's the same price as my dinner at Hooters tonight. Michela, Will and I totally were winning the Hooters trivia game, but John and Kenny made us leave. So hopefully, they gave our prizes to Marie, our really cool waitress.

Today we beat out previous load out record by 12 minutes, for a new record of 20 minutes! Then the second load out took an hour. Hmm.

I'm tired now.

Wednesday, December 6, 2000
7:35 pm
Savannah, GA (again)
Waffle House Count: 169

All right…so things aren’t as bad as they were on Sunday (the infamous day where my computer crashed and sent me on a scenic tour of Marietta to find a stupid Earthlink CD, and then to find a Kinkos where I could work for like 4 hours trying to fix it. Seven hours later it worked.

Anyway. It hasn’t been too bad of a week...so far. But I have made some observations, mostly about Atlanta traffic, which I had the misfortune of being a part of both Monday and Tuesday.

A) Talking on your cell phone does not up the passenger count to two. You cannot legally drive in my carpool lane. (Luckily the man who was doing so got a ticket down the road. Hee hee!)

B) If people would not drive 200 miles an hour, I bet there would be less wrecks, and thus there would be less traffic, because we would not all have to drive by slowly so everyone can see the wreck.

C) If your car is stalled, do not leave it in the middle lane. Get it to the side of the road. This way, you will not back up traffic for 7 MILES! Hello?!

D) Traffic laws are there for a reason. People who break them (like the man who did not feel like waiting while I was letting a man turn right into my lane and zoomed around me, narrowly missing an accident which would have made me not happy.) should have their cars taken away and be forced to beg for rides.

E) People who drive Datsun 280Z’s (see observation D) should not get impatient and zoom around me, when I drive a big van with a 14 foot trailer attached and could crush him like a bug. Yeah!

F) People should not whine. Ever.

G) The people who do whine should also heed the immortal words of a sign on the wall at a school in Aiken, SC. "SASS SHOWS NO CLASS" which was accompanied by a scene in which one boy told another "Hey man, wise up. Lipping off does not make you cool."

H) Natalyn and I are really cool.

I) Everyone else is less cool.

J) Simply because they are not us.

K) I like peach cobbler. A lot. Good thing I’m in Georgia.

L) When no men’s gloves are to be found, I have no problems fitting into gloves made for small children.

M) Neither the Bowflex nor the Soloflex are good buys, since many exercises require special attachments which take 15 minutes to attach. What’s the point of the workout?

N) Natalyn just asked why I made that observation. I said "Because".

O) Natalyn just complained that I did not actually say "Because". I don’t care.

P) Keri Russell should not have cut off her hair. But she looks really good in that grown up stage.

Q) Slippery is a fun word. Monica should not act. But she does look like Dionne Warwick, which is amusing.

R) Is it OK to end my observations before the end of the alphabet?

S) Yes.

All right. That took a long time, so now I’m sleepy. And it didn’t help that Natalyn kept interrupting me, and John called and sang a strange song from England and scared her immensely, resulting in a few screams and squeals. Good night.

Sunday, December 3, 2000
10:43 pm
Atlanta, GA
Waffle House Count: 157

I’m so over this. 13 days left.

Thursday, November 30, 2000
4:03 pm Savannah, GA
Waffle House Count: 151

Well.

This has been the most crazy week in the whole tour. Here's the story.

So, yesterday, we get to Trion City Elementary, after getting lost due to stupid directions from my computer, and find ourselves in the gym with 100 middle schoolers.

Playing basketball.

And they gym teacher would not let us set up in the gym until the exact moment that we were supposed to perform. So we pushed back both performances and made some cuts to finish on time.

And then Natalyn, who also got lost, showed up after driving around Georgia for two and half hours, with no voice.

She's Cinderella.

That's not good.

So we made up a whole bunch of stuff where other people sing her things, and we kept interrupting her whenever she started a line.

So we sat around Rome, with Robert and Gail appalled that I would even suggest cancelling today's shows. The doctor tells Natalyn and Gail that she should not do anything, insinuating that she should not perform.

We did anyway. We got to Savannah at 1 am, then did two shows today.

There's more.

Someone gave us bad directions (I'm sure it was Jennifer Daniels, just for spite) to the school today. So it took two hours to get to a school 20 mintes away from the hotel. This meant we had about 10 minutes to load in and perform. With children sitting there watching. With Natalyn mute. With Michela sick. And losing her voice too.

Finally Robert agreed that we should cancel the shows tomorrow. Thank God. Because if I had to go through one more day of this, I might scream.

But other than show trauma, things aren't too bad. Friends is on tonight, and I soon plan to win $102,000 from McDonalds. And Saturday is Spa Sydell day for facials and massages.

10:01 pm

So we have a flat tire. Fitting isn't it?

Friday, November 24, 2000
6:47 pm Atlanta, GA
Waffle House Count: 142

I have just spent 9 hours in a van. The latter half was in the rain. This does not make for a fun Friday.

So…the show. Yesterday was so crazy. We got to the space, and the stage was 8 feet too short, and 4 feet too narrow. The girl who was in charge showed up…3 hours late…drunk…and promptly left. She didn’t even bother to come to the show. She breezed through, I’m sure holding a champagne flute.

I’ll say it now. Curse the name of Jennifer Daniels. I know I have.

However. We love Thresea. She solved all of our problems. Praise her.

And good news. The cafeteria did, in fact, have jellied cranberry sauce. I ate it. A lot.

Thursday, November 23, 2000
Thanksgiving Day
11:26 pm Sea Island, GA
Waffle House Count: 139

Well, the computer has been plagued this week with bad connections and other obstacles. For instance, here at Sea Island, we have digital phones, so I can’t even get online to check my e-mail, and you know how Robert feels about that. It will make his heart hurt.

Anyway. Can I tell you how much it sucks to be in a hotel on Thanksgiving? Nothing is open, and I have a feeling that I will be getting no jellied cranberry sauce. This is not a good thing. And it’s not as if we have anything to do, since our show isn’t until 9:00 pm. Like any child is going to want to sit through a show at 9:00 at night. They’re all going to fall asleep, only to be woken up in a fright by Kenny in his wig.

I realized something a few days ago. Far more things happen on the tour than I write down. But I just don’t care. People get into fights, and there is big drama, but I don’t care enough to recreate the moment on paper. If you subtract all the fighting and angst then this is a pretty boring tour.

But that doesn’t mean that I’m not ready for it to end. Three weeks and counting…

Joleen did get to see our show, and she, Natalyn and I went out the night before, and stayed up way too late. But we had a good time.

I’ve spent the past few days thinking about two things. A: How am I going to pack all of my stuff up and get it back to Kansas City? This is a problem. Because although I have not really bought all that many new things, my luggage was packed to the extreme. I did not plan on this. Anyone with suggestions should e-mail. B: What exactly am I going to do in January? It will only take a few days to watch all the TV that my parents have taped, and that doesn’t exactly pay the bills or look good on my resume. So obviously I will have to find something else to do.

Being a grown up is a pain.

Sunday, November 19, 2000
5:18 pm Sarasota, FL
Waffle House Count: 131

So it’s been a long time since I’ve written. But I doubt anyone other than my parents actually look up the site with any regularity. So it probably doesn’t make a difference, since I talk to them on the phone.

Anyway…we spent the last weekend in Orlando, FL…also known as the armpit of Florida. OK, I don’t think anyone else actually calls it that, but if it weren’t for Disney and the Florida Mall, I wouldn’t be unhappy if the whole city fell into the ocean. So while there, we witnessed a number of police officers arresting vagrants on the streets, hookers, and a couple of fights in the parking lot of our hotel. This is why I spent all of Saturday at the Magic Kingdom.

While there, we had an unusual episode. Kenny cried on It’s a Small World. Will and I were frightened. We did not know how mechanical Dutch children could make anyone cry. We shunned him immediately.

On Friday I got to see my friend Missy, who works at Bennigans. She lives in Orlando, so we went out and had fun after she got off work. We went to a few bars and looked for the hookers on the side of the road. It was a rockin’ good time. We only saw a few hookers, but we did have a nice time catching up. I hadn’t seen her since she moved down here in January.

Sooooo…that’s it…my friend Joleen happens to be in Sarasota, so hopefully I will see her tonight. Tomorrow we make the 9 hour drive to Fort Walton Beach. Ish.

Saturday, November 11, 2000
10:52 pm Atlanta, GA
Waffle House Count: 107

I’ve just started reading a new book, upon my friend Molly’s recommendation, even though I’m following her advice about 5 months after she gave it. But I was bored and wandering around Barnes and Noble, feeling bitter that I know under 10 people in Atlanta, and it was Saturday night, and so when I found Bridget Jones’s Diary, I picked it up and bought it. I have a feeling that I will finish the book tonight, and that, added with the fact that my hair is unusually soft and shiny have made this a good night.

I also found some fans to replace the props that have been broken since the second day of the tour. This means that I can use the broken one to hit Michela over the head, as she is being a downright twit. But as Natalyn says, I am being the bigger person, and as Bridget says I am developing Inner Poise. Whatever. I still want to shake her until the idiocy inside her brain comes pouring out of her ears onto her heinously tacky clothes, forcing her to chuck them and go to the Gap to buy something normal.

There. I feel better. Momentary venting aside, reading this book has made me think that maybe I don’t have to be dead to publish my diary. Interestingly enough, inside my Barnes and Noble bag was a flyer that said for only $99 they will publish my book. Hmm. Sounds kind of shady to me. But the tour is not over, so I don’t need to think about it until then, and maybe I should just keep writing for a full year about one’s first year out of college, and being thrust into adulthood. I can see it now…it will be the number one gift for aunts and uncles to buy their nieces and nephews at their college graduations. And they will all love the book, and I will make millions.

It’s a nice thought. I’ve also started work on a new play about a waitress in a Waffle House. I feel that I have done enough research that I can accurately depict the plight of the tired truckstop server. And if not, it amuses me to write the words "scattered, covered and smothered", much like the title of the new Hootie and the Blowfish album, which no one will get except those of us well versed in Waffle House-ese.

Well that’s all for now. I have a book to finish. And I have to leave for South Carolina tomorrow morning, following a trip to Kinko’s to print out the company finances for Robert which means I will have to figure out what that random receipt for 47.27 is actually for. This makes me displeased. And I do not feel like packing, because I want to spend just one day not living out of a suitcase. This way I will live on top of my suitcase, because that is where all the clothes that I washed today are piled. It’s not a vast improvement, but it still makes me feel better.

11:27 pm

In retrospect, that last entry seemed incredibly bitter. I think my boredom has forced my sarcastic wit (don’t make that disbelieving sound…I’m witty…people have said so.) to come to the surface and oversee the writing of this entry. Maybe that wit will be enough to jack the price of my book up from $9.99 too $11.99.

Let’s hope so.

Sunday, November 4, 2000
11:43 pm
Valdosta, GA
Waffle House Count: 102

Sorry that I haven't posted much in the past week. But I was busy. On the beach. That's right...I was on the beach. A lot. In fact, you could look out my hotel window and see the beach. Well, you couldn't because you weren't there. But I could. And did. Often.

All right. Enough gloating. The first week (of many) in Florida was fun. I enjoy that we spend most of the rest of the tour in Florida.

That's all for now. I realize that I can't write without gloating that I am in Flordia and you are not. "Oh no!" you may say, "But you're in Georgia!" True. On the state line...between...FLORIDA!!!

Sorry. : )

Monday, October 30, 2000
9:30 am
Ocoee, FL
Waffle House Count: 98

You will notice that I am not supposed to be in Ocoee right now. I’m supposed to be in Stuart, performing as we speak. But last night, one of the wheels on the trailer decided to catch fire. This is not a good thing. And as it turns out, we may have to get a whole new trailer. Also not a good thing. So we’re sitting in a hotel doing nothing.

But while I was checking in, some dude runs past me, followed by security. He had broken into a car in the lot and then ran up to the 4th floor. They caught him…sleeping in a car.

People are stupid.

Saturday, October 28, 2000
5:38 pm
Atlanta, GA
Waffle House Count: 95

Well, I must start by apologizing for being so remiss in updating the diary. But I did attempt to do so in Heber Springs, AR, but the phone lines were so old that they connected at approximately 2000 bps. For those of you who are not computer savvy, that's not much. So I scrapped the entry I had written for that day and thought I would just sum up everything that happened on the last tour in one fell swoop.

We started off in Tennessee. We enjoy Germantown immensely, and if we had more dates there, we would not say boo. But alas, that one night, was our only night in the small , rich suburb of Memphis. Because then we were off to Arkansas.

There's not much to say about Arkansas in general, except that I hate the highways just as much now as I did in May. As soon as we crossed the Mississippi, Natalyn and I woke up and pronounced that Arkansas did indeed suck. I attempted to read a magazine, but the words kept jumping around so much, that I couldn't think straight. So we all did our best to sleep, which is work in itself, so we ended up being more tired than we were when we started.

The fun part of Arkansas was seeing Mom and Dad. Their friends Tom and Mary came too, and we all had a good time in Van Buren. Whilst in Van Buren, we made a new friend: the Soap Lady. She took us into her shop and made us wash our elbow so we could compare how much softer it felt after one washing. It was true. I have now converted Natalyn to the Soap Lady's ways. Mom and I both got a number of soapy tricks. To visit The Soap Lady's Site, follow the link. It's an oodle of fun, and you can mail order! I'll keep you up to date on the progress of my "zit-zapper" soap.

Still in Arkansas, Kenny and Natalyn composed a song entitled "Arkansas". Ask them to sing it for you. Phil will be writing an accompaniment for the banjo. That will explain the rest of the Arkansas trip for you.

While in Heber Springs, we encountered a Demon Cat who attempted to lead us into the woods. Kenny got scared and ran away, while Will and I made the trek partway in. When it got to be too "Blair Witch" for us, we turned around to the cat's chagrin.

Then we made a 10 hour drive to Dalton, GA. In this trip I got to lay down for a total of 2.5 hours, while everyone else got to sleep for at least 5. I find this to be unfair, but I don't feel like hearing everyone argue, which they will.

Speaking of arguing. Things were OK with Big John the Diva for the most part, but he blew it on the last day, but complaining that we were dropping me off first, making him late for his 4:30 appointment. Why he would make an appointment, thus putting us on a schedule is beyond me, but self-absorption seems to come naturally to him. He also "offended" Michela, who was being too stupid to understand something that the rest of us found funny, and which was not even directed to her. I would explain in, but you had to be there. Needless to say, when the two most self-absorbed people in the tour start fighting, it is pretty funny.

So this week, we were back in Georgia, performing Barber of Seville a bunch of times, which was nice. It made me hate Cinderella a little less. Just a little.

And while in Dalton, I missed Buffy and Angel. This made me bitter. Dalton sucks. That's all I have to say about that.

We went to Athens on Wednesday night, and stopped at our hotel, the Super 8 of Hell. After seeing that the rooms were unsatisfactory (Phil didn't even have to go in one of the rooms to deem it unworthy. The smell reminded him of something that had died in a kitchen that had not been cleaned after a big meal.) we moved to a much nicer hotel with refrigerators, microwaves, hair dryers, coffee makers and a Bennigans! It cost a little more to Robert, but I didn't mind making his heart hurt that much.

Then we performed in Athens, and then we came home. Yesterday I did some catering at the Rib Ranch. I had a good time, and made $65 bucks! I was able to buy some new magazines, including the new Buffy/Angel yearbook. : ) And today I'm just sitting around, balancing accounts and sending postcards and stuff before we leave for Florida tomorrow.

That's right...Florida.

Thursday, October 19, 2000
5:08 pm
West Memphis, AR
Waffle House Count: 76

I'm back in a normal time zone for once. Thank god. Real World comes on at 9, just like it should.

6:49 pm

Natalyn and I had a scary moment. We've been so used to Friends being on at 8, that we almost forgot that it was on at seven here, even after my excitement about the realness of our current time zone.

9:46 pm

I'm watching ER now. I'm kinda bitter that I'm now into another show. I've been all about it since the season finale in May that I watched on vacation in a hotel gym. But during all this time I have been playing with Dryel stain remover. It works really well. And now I am Woolite-ing some tights. They are icky.

As usual, everyone is uptight and annoying. Luckily Natalyn and I can watch our Must-See TV, and avoid all of them.

That is all. We're in Arkansas. It's not like it's filled with fun or anything. Woo.

Monday, October 16, 2000
10:44 pm
Valley, AL
Waffle House Count: 62

Howdy from scenic Valley, Alabama. It is an oodle of fun here. There are some really big bugs that rival Rome's bugs.

To catch up...Saturday we went to Bennigan's which I have missed immensely. Then on Sunday we went to Six Flags Over Georgia. It was a good time. We rode the Mindbender 3 times, and I endured the Batman, which I do not enjoy, since your feet don't touch the ground. I am against that. I feel that when spinning madly in the air, you should at least have the security of a floor.

Then today we traveled to Valley. Woo. The big excitement was sitting in traffic for an hour. But it was OK, because a construction crew was very busy cleaning dirt off of the road. So that's why we were backed up.

Don't worry...the road is clean now.

Saturday, October 14, 2000
5:21 pm
Waffle House Count: 48

I hope no one tries to go to the "pictures from the Knights Inn!" link, because my camera failed to work properly, and I felt sleep was more important than fixing it. So there are no pictures.

Anyway, last night was a good night. Kenny, Michela and I saw Best in Show. With Parker Posey. I love her. Then we went to Franco's Pizza, and had the best pizza in a long time...better than the pizza I had at the Olive Garden.

Then the excitement begins. We had our palms read. And the women were really good. They told Kenny all about the group and about how John would be alienating himself, and trying to get Will to join him, and how Michela was going through emotional turmoil and he had to help her. Then she told me that I was going through some confusion, but then in three months, I would be taking a long trip, and then everything would make sense. She also said that I should be a director, and not an actor. Which makes perfect sense since the wish I made was "What should I do with my career after the tour is over?" And she told Michela all about the dude she is in emotional turmoil about. It was cool.

More importantly, the three of us had a good time, without fighting. Kenny's reader told him that those of us not in the outside group (the three of us and Natalyn) would grow closer. And that is nice.

That's all for now. I'll try to stay in another Knights Inn and get some pictures. : )

Thursday, October 12, 2000
10:03 pm
Waffle House Count: 43

I'm sitting here in a hotel. It's a Knight's Inn. It has a castle theme.

I have eaten very poorly this evening. I had some Cool Ranch Doritos, a Slim Jim, half a jumbo symphony bar and two peanut butter twix. Oh, and a snapple.

That's about it. Nothing new except for 8 new Waffle Houses. I have the weekend off soon. Looking forward to it immensely.

Monday, October 9, 2000
10:00 pm
Waffle House Count: 35

I find that I rarely have anything new to write in here. We go to a theatre, we perform, we go to the hotel. The only difference is the temperature and the restaurants we eat at. Is that entertaining enough for people to read? I'm not sure.

I could go on and on, venting about people being stupid, or inconsiderate, or unprofessional, but really, would that help? I doubt it. It's all about the Tao of Pooh and being a stream, or at the very least the Snack Manifesto and having a Twinkie. I actually have not had a single Twinkie since being in the South. But I think the Snack Manifesto is paying off. Both of my ball gowns are a little big and Kenny and Natalyn say that I look thinner. I love them.

I also love the chocolate pudding I had today at the Cedartown Soda Shoppe.

Saturday, October 7, 2000
5:27 pm
Waffle House Count: 35

Well, it has been a few days since I have last been online, since when you’re in Douglas, you have to pay an arm and a leg to check your e-mail. So this will be an entry that sums up the last three days.

Today is my birthday! Woo hoo! It was a nice morning of sleeping in and relaxing. Which I needed after this week. We performed in Cartersville on Wednesday, then drove to Douglas, GA, about five hours south. We went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner, which I have been craving for about month now. It was tasty. Then we had two days of performing at the theatre (a nice one), so we didn’t have to load and unload and load and unload the trailer. Also nice. The shows were good, and we got many a hug from a small child. Even the ugly stepsisters who usually get booed at the curtain call.

And they gave us snacks.

I watched the Judith Light Intimate Portrait and got lots of good information for my book. The Snack Manifesto will hit the best seller list sometime next year.

I figure if I say that now, then I will have good karma and it will really happen.

I am currently on hold with Earthlink. Trying to fix my address book problem. I’m leaving here in an hour. Hopefully it won’t take longer than that. Tonight we are going to Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta. I hoping that Toni Braxton will be dining in the booth next to ours. Natalyn and John say that famous people are around a lot. Cross your fingers!

Tomorrow we head out to Cedartown. I feel like I spend a lot of time in the van. Yesterday I was in the van for 10 hours. This is too much, especially when you are in a city 5 hours from Atlanta. I had a lot of bussing around to do, and then I had to take the trailer back to Rome, and then come back to Atlanta. Not fun. So I rewarded myself with some Ice Dream from Chick-Fil-A. If you have not experienced this manmade wonder, you must. It is the best fast food ice cream I’ve ever had. It tastes just like homemade. Yum.

My earthlink representative has yet to answer the phone. I’m going to go take a nap while I’m on hold.

Tuesday, October 3, 2000
11:14 pm
Waffle House Count: 31

Watched Buffy, Angel and Real World. Got Robbie Williams's new CD. Got my haircut. I'm a happy man.

Monday, October 2, 2000
11:17 pm
Waffle House Count: 29

Remember the high maintenance thing? Multiply it by ten. But I told myself that I wasn't going to fo any work tonight, and talking about work, makes me feel like I'm working, so that's all I'm going to say. Tomorrow is a big day. Buffy, Angel, and the new Robbie Williams CD that I have been waiting for. And since I'm getting up in 6 hours (just like always) and need the energy for tomorrow, I must go now.

Sunday, October, 2000
8:57 pm
Waffle House Count: 28

People are so high maintenance. That's all.

Saturday, September 30, 2000
11:42 pm
Waffle House Count: 27

We are all finally separated to our Atlanta housing. I think we all needed a day away from each other. It’s been a hard week. As we dropped each person off, the houses got better. Will has a nice place in Peachtree City, which is sooooo far out of the city, it is not even funny. Kenny and Michela are at Mary Gene’s house (by friend Andrew’s grandmother) in Decatur, and I wound up in Buckhead.

I win.

Friday, September 29, 2000
11:18 pm

Today was probably the best day I’ve had in Georgia so far. Strangely it started with the ungodly hour of 6 am. (I feel I must use the word ungodly to describe all the hours that I have to wake up, because that’s what they are.)

Anyway, so we drove to Thomaston Elementary today and as we got there…a tire fell off the trailer. Don’t ask why. It’s some kind of bearing problem, which involved getting mud all over my Calvin Klein cargo pants. After that we proceeded to perform an inventive version of Cinderella involving some stairs and 75% of the set. Which is 25% less that I have to move. I enjoyed this immensely. I also enjoyed when Kenny scared the small child in the audience and she screamed and jumped back in her seat.

We had lunch at Church’s Chicken. I have never had a better biscuit.

Then we performed at the Robert E. Lee Auditorium, which so spoiled us after performing in a bunch of elementary schools. We actually had dressing rooms! With incandescent lighting and everything! It was a good show, and then we all signed about a zillion autographs afterwards. The kids were all really cute, and I scared one of them by taking off my wig. : )

And then I ate at Waffle House with Natalyn. Oh how I have been remiss in my snacking. Waffle House is where it’s at. Incidentally, we have spotted 21 Waffle Houses so far.

Thursday, September 28, 2000
7:06 pm

I am writing this in the passenger seat of the van. We have finally left Rome! We checked out of our rooms at the ungodly hour of 7:00 am, and did back to back shows in an elementary school gym, then had a rehearsal. And we are finally on the road!

First stop, Thomaston, GA.

While we’re on the road, I will expound on my Real World/Road Rules parallels. We have developed a number of scandals, combining several seasons of each show. Remember how one actor is isolating himself. Well, we have moved more into Real World Boston, where the cast was divided into two teams. As we speak, the alternate team, as I will now call them, is in another car following us. To further the scandal, we have a feeling its kind of an Amaya/Sean or Katherine/L.T. relationship, which will entertain us with many hours of "are they or aren’t they?"

To further the scandal, one of the members of the alternate team supposedly does not play for the "alternate team" if you know what I mean. (Don’t you love double entendres?) (Don’t you love the word entendres? I do. So there Mme Miller.) Today they went to their own restaurant while the rest of us went to Chili’s. "We don’t have that much money!" they complained. I say that sounds a little fishy. And because they are the only ones at the moment who like being around each other, I have conveniently made room assignments in their favor (and our favor!) The true test will be if they go to different places in Atlanta, or if they decide to "stay together". Hmm.

I’m passing the computer back to Natalyn now (my new new roommate), so she can read up on the scandal. Even if it is all total rumor, it at least gives us something to talk about, because Elisa and the director whose name I will not mention are both gone, so we have nothing annoying to talk about.

Incidentally, mom, yes I am rooming with yet another pretty black woman. "Hmm," you might say, "why do you keep rooming with women? Aren't there enough men to share rooms with?"

And that is all until we get to the hotel, because my neck hurts from typing.

Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2000
11:26 pm

Sorry if yesterday's entry seems disjointed and smooshy. You have now seen the effects of a tired cranky actor. Tomorrow we check out of the hotel at 6:30 and head to East Rome Elementary to load in the set at 7:00. We're performing in a gym. No curtains or anything. Where we're going to change clothes is eluding me at the moment, but oh well.

Incidentally, those times are AM.

And I still have to pack. I'm not going to write about that, just go back to the first entry and reread it, and then multiply the number of magazines I had then (4) by 4. I can't throw them away! You know how I am. I need Molly here for guidance.

I went to say goodbye to the girls at Applebees tonight. Will and Kenny were both asleep, so I had to go by myself, but as always, the chicken fingers were really good, and I hadn't eaten since 2, so by 10 I was kinda hungry.

I apologize for the poor grammar of the preceding sentence.

We spend our first weekend off in Atlanta, and since I know like 2 people there, I imagine I will have time to do some updating, so I can put my tour schedule online.

Tuesday, Sept. 26, 2000
11:22 pm

It has been 5 days since we last spoke. My cruelty is beyond belief. Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I hate myself. But always I miss you...

If you're not a theatre major, don't ask. :)

So, we've been pretty busy here on Rome mountain. We had our last rehearsals with John the director from hell, tech day in Calhoun, and then our first round of performances this morning to 2000 children. Woo. But it is a good show, and we all have a good time doing it.

The Road Rules/Real World mentality is starting to set in. One of our members has begun to alienate himself from the group (David, RW9), one member has gotten pregnant/psycho and left (Irene, RW2 and in a twist of irony Irene, RW 7), one member has to fill the shoes of a previously dramatic person, but we have started a rumor that she is a klepto. (I don't know if anyone has been a klepto on RW or RR, but I bet someone will. Let's just say that Amaya, RW 6, was because she was so sweet.)

We also have the problem of a poltergeist in my room. I was sitting on the bed and I swear that a voice behind me called my name and I turned around and no one was there, and I went to the next room to see if Will or Kenny had called me...and NO ONE WAS THERE! Scary. Reminds me of the Road Rules where they had to sleep in the haunted house.

We also have a mascot, a carved Bear with a fish in his mouth. I have named him Bob. This also parallels the many pets held by past Real Worlders and the steer skull on the front of the Road Rulers Winnie.

I have too much time on my hands.

On another TV note, the season premieres of Buffy and Angel were on tonight. They were really good. There was no way I could wait till December to watch the tape from my room in KC.

I have to get up at 6 and drive to Calhoun tomorrow. That means that I must sleep. And I still have to organize our official snack box. These things take time.

Day one of the tour, and the fights begin.

Thursday, Sept. 21, 2000
11:37 pm

Remember how happy all of us were yesterday? Not anymore. Michela is great, working with Gail is great, even having very large fake breasts is not terrible.

But we are not pleased. We got our touring schedule today. And out of our three month tour, we have to find our own housing for one month. Not all at once, but still, 34 days is a lot of time to impose on someone, and we are sooooo not getting paid enough for hotels every night. And it looks like we're not going as many places as they said, but we still have a full three month tour. Ish.

Wednesday, Sept. 20, 2000
11:19 pm

First day of blocking with our new director Gail, and our new Berthe, Michaela. Let me just say WOOOO! It was great. We all actually had fun for a change. And my shoes are cool.

But I have to have a meeting with Robert at 8:30 am. Ish. I'm going to bed.

Check out two new pages of pictures! You can see tour pictures by clicking the link above, and the other stuff from the main picture page.

Tuesday, Sept. 19, 2000
9:14 am

Oh dear diary, yesterday was simply the most wonderful day! (Sorry…I was feeling a bit Lurlene McDaniel this morning.) After working Cinderella for 4 hours, we ran the show. It was good. Then Gail and Robert (the producers) gave us some notes. Virtually every note was something that we had complained about to the director, and he kept brushing us off. Granted, this is just my side of the story, but he’s not here to defend himself, nor do I want to invite him to defend himself, so there. Then they gave us notes from the Barber run from the previous day.

It was, at the same time, the most frightening and the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

They told John that the show was terrible, and directed completely incorrectly, and that it all needed to be thrown out and reblocked. All of this criticism came in the form of "notes" for us that were very obviously not "acting" notes. And it all happened right in front of our eyes. I’ve never seen a man crumble, but I think I can now say that I know what it looks like. And I wish the man no ill will as a person, but his directing was really poor.

AND we have lost a cast member. Luckily, she was the weakest link we had, and kind of annoying, so it was a good thing. And so our Berthe moves in to Rosina’s spot. (She’s beautiful and a professional opera singer!) And we get a whole new Berthe and Stepmother/Godmother. No more will our souls be sucked away by the evil Dementor!

The party lasted till 3:00 am.

Monday, Sept. 18, 2000
12:49 am

Don't be alarmed. I've just reversed the order of entries so you don't have to relive the bug saga every time you visit the site.

I also wanted to mention Josie, because she was worried that if she didn't return my e-mail I might mention her in the diary. I will only mention her because she is fun and I miss her...especially on costume fitting days.

My dad did not believe that I knew who Jack Kerouac was. Psh.

Monday, Sept. 18, 2000
12:24 am

As always, it is really Sunday night, but that whole am/pm thing throws me off.

It's been an exciting day here on Walton mountain. After a heinous rehearsal (OK...actually they're all heinous, but I enjoy reiterating that daily.) I made the hour long drive to Atlanta to visit the lovely Heather Graber, who I have not seen in four years. She is just as lovely as when we went to our Junior prom together...and our senior prom...and homecoming...and another homecoming...and like 3 other dances. Legally this means that we are married. (The limit is 5 dances, and we exceeded that.) IT's been hard not seeing my wife for four years, but we were able to pick up right where we left off.

So while we were at the restaurant (Houlihans in Dunwoody...darn yummy) some dude started yelling at a mother and her children, because they were disturbing his meal. Yelling. At children. not his own. Children who belong to the assistant coach of the Atlanta Hawks. Luckily this man did not show up until the rude guy and his wife left, but not before a big scene involving the children's mother yelling at the rude guy, and the rude guy yelling back, and a manager coming over, and the rude guy telling the manager that is he had thrown out the woman and her children in the first place, then he, as a customer, wouldn't have had to get involved. Heather and I got so wrapped up in the saga that we forgot we were supposed to look at the menu. Luckily our server found us amusing, and kept giving us updates on the drama.

Then I went to KMart to buy the yellow fleece I have wanted since I got to Rome, and bought some cranberry juice too (because it's good for your soul -- thanks Jen P.), but the plastic bags were very flimsy, so my cranberry juice (glass...hello...what happened to plastic?) broke through and made a big mess in the middle of the store.

Then I came back to the hotel to find that Will and Kenny did nothing but watch TV all night long. Then they went to bed. And I got online to e-mail the rehearsal schedule to the producer (Because for some reason the fact that the director is staying at his house was not enough for him...he had to have the schedule on his computer. Whatever.) And while I was online, a friend from Des Moines...let's call him Jon...for good reason, because that is his name...had to call next door like three different times before he could actually find me.

Phew. I did enough that I can almost forget that I have rehearsal tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Arg.

I remember.

Saturday, Sept. 16, 2000
11:22 pm

We have just gotten back from playing Celebrity with the Julius Caesar cast. I still think we could take them in a rumble, but they were fun nonethless. :)

Saturday, Sept. 16, 2000
8:22 pm

So, after a particularly frustrating day of rehearsal, Kenny and I went to our favorite place (Applebee's...where else would we go?). (Will went jogging...go figure.) Anyway, I have been inspired to write a book. It's called The Snack Manifesto, and it's going to be the next big thing. I'm going to knock Bill Phillips and his Body For Life off the best seller list. Ha ha ha.

I've started the book. Here is a piece of the introduction.: Oh sure. I read the book with these grandiose ideas of changing my life and being thin and muscular, but after a few days and realizing that I did not want to say "I am building my body for life" every time I lower a weight, I realized the joy of snacks.

Actually, I realized the joy of snacks many many years ago, which is why I no longer wear size 30 jeans, but hey…I’m happy. I’m so tired of everyone saying that you have to be thin to be happy. You don’t. Emotion is not linked to body mass.

Granted, those who are thin and muscular and whatever may feel better about themselves, which in turn makes them happy, but those who deny themselves the taste of a Twinkie once in a while, no matter what they tell themselves, are not totally happy. THEY’RE NOT HAPPY!

Everyone needs a Twinkie here and there. It doesn’t even have to be a Twinkie. Have an apple. Have a kiwi. Have some Rice Dream. Who cares? Have a SNACK.

We have recently learned that Kenny is the "wig-mastah". He is currently styling my Barber wig so that I will look less like Twisted Sister, and more like Bernadette Peters...or the Fouts. :)

Friday, Sept. 15, 2000
10:37 pm

Will feels, after reading the page, that I have made him out to be some sort of competitive jock. Never mind that we are sitting here watching the Olympics, and will be for the next two weeks. Never mind that while I am in Atlanta visiting the lovely Heather Graber, he will be in Rome, because gymnastics is on prime time. Never mind that he recognizes the tennis players of every nation as they pass on the television.

I'm just cranky, because I want some ice cream, and this parade is so freaking long that I can't leave. I don't want to miss Trinidad and Tobago, because I enjoy them. I'm a little bitter that there was no Rwanda.

Just minutes after asking Will if he was in fact a "competitive jock", Kenny described him as a "soccer mom on acid". He is currently saying that Australia can "forget about" winning at the Olympics. Meanwhile, Kenny and I are enjoying the beauty of the 199 nations all together in one stadium. You be the judge.

Friday, Sept. 15, 2000
1:34 pm

Today is our day off this week, so last night while Kenny crumpled at like 10:30, Will and I went out and then played Rummy till 3:30 am. The only different thing is that I WON THE GAME!!!! And not just won...but won hardcore. He was bitter to finally be defeated.

Feel sorry for him. He has suffered a terrible loss.

Good news! We got a new van, so now we don't have to drive the old drive-by van with 230,000 miles on it through 11 states in four months. Call us crazy, but we wanted a new van...it's even nicer than the one those wimps in the Caesar cast get.

You know how some actors are all "Oh, I've done Shakespeare...I'm the best...La dee da...

That's how they are. We've affected an English accent whenever we speak about them. It makes us feel better. And we know that if there were a rumble, we would totally dominate.

Don't worry. No fights yet. But the tour is young...

Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2000
7:06 pm

So I thought I bought batteries...but I didn't. Darn.

This just in from the Jack Hanna file...there is a roach the size of Texas in Will and Kenny's room. It slipped behind the carpet, so we couldn't kill it, but Kenny, the bug whisperer, tried to catch it and set it free, while Will and I cowered in fear behind him.

I had to pause in my writing while Kenny read about himself as the bug-whisperer. But in that time, we think the 10-gallon roach might be dead, because he has not come back out. I, however, do not plan on hanging out in their room for the rest of the evening. And that's OK, because Buffy and Angel are on followed by REAL WORLD, which I missed last week because Will wanted to watch tennis.

I'm listening to Matchbox 20. It reminds me of the Fouts. I sent out about 8 jillion e-mails to a bunch of Drake people and whatnot...I miss the Iowa scandal. Cause after we leave the rehearsal hall, there is no drama...just the Ramada Temple of Doom, home to bugs of all shapes and sizes.

Time Zones. Who thought them up? Cause they are really a pain. I get all psyched for Buffy at 7, and then I have to wait an extra hour because I'm on the East coast. Lame. Buffy time is at 7! Not at 8! It just feels wrong. And who knew that the 10-spot on MTV actually started at 10? I just got used to it happening at 9.

Will just came back from being athletic. It's time for a bug check...

Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2000
12:56 am

It’s tricky, because it still feels like Monday, even though it’s actually Tuesday. I’m mostly confused because I have been in bed before midnight every night for like 2 weeks, and tonight, obviously, I am not.

Today was actually a good day in rehearsal. I can honestly say that there were some fun times, which is a nice change from the past week of HELL! OK…maybe it hasn’t been that bad, but it hasn’t been fun. Tomorrow (today) we finish blocking Cinderella. And tomorrow, I believe we have a fitting for my new ball gown and wig. Hopefully our high heels will be there too, because I am not looking forward to walking around in those.

I bought some new batteries for my digital camera. So not only will there soon be new pictures on the website, but I’m creating a Real World: Rome webpage, because there is nothing else to do in Rome, except hang out at Applebees and drink $2 Long Islands. And although we do enjoy Chris, Dani and Starlyn, it’s not much of a life.

Then again…neither is typing on a little computer in a hotel room.

Sunday, Sept. 10, 2000
4:12 pm

Remember that thing about the grasshoppers? The same goes for the spiders. Last night we saw about 50 zillion, give or take a few zillion. They are everywhere. I suppose that spiders do have families, but I’d never actually seen them. The walk to our hotel rooms was like a journey through the Temple of Doom, ironic since we had just seen part of the movie.

Today Kenny and I traveled to Garden Valley to do laundry. It sounded like a nice clean place. This was an untrue assumption. Kenny said it reminded him a lot of Brooklyn. And what that means is that there were a lot of tricks. If you don’t know what that means, then I’m not going to tell you, because it’s not the most politically correct thing that I say.

It’s our first day off of rehearsal. You’ll notice that I haven’t written at all this week. That is because this rehearsal process is unlike any other I have ever been through…and not in a good way. But in two weeks, we’ll be on the road and I won’t have to deal with it any more. So there you are.

Will is watching tennis, which means that there will be no dinner until the match is over. Luckily this is the last day of the US Open, so until the Olympics take over his sports-minded…well…mind…then we are safe to watch Friends and Buffy and whatever…which is good, because Buffy is really good this week. : )

I wonder if the smiley face that shows up in Word will show up on the page after I convert it into HTML. We’ll see won’t we?

It turns out that a smiley face in Word shows up as a J in HTML. I changed it back to a smiley face.

Monday, Sept. 4, 2000
6:10 pm

I have now moved to room number four. But this one is next door to Will and Kenny, so hopefully I’ll be able to stay here. I’m buying some ant traps for the rooms, just in case. After seeing a grasshopper the size of Texas outside my room, you never know.

Sunday, Sept. 3, 2000
12:21 pm

So the new room is pretty nice. I just bought some air freshener, and either my roommate will think I’m a loser, or he’ll be glad that it doesn’t smell the way it did when I first got in here. I just finished driving around scenic Rome. It’s not so bad either. I found the bar (I only found one, so maybe it’s the ONLY bar in Rome), the Kmart and a bunch of Cajun restaurants. Only 5 more hours to kill by myself.

Sunday, Sept. 3, 2000
6:18 am
Rome, GA

I have just finished moving all of my stuff from room 153 to room 174 to room 215. I woke up this morning at about 5:00 with a funny feeling. Not funny, ha-ha, but a funny, what’s going on? kind of feeling. For some reason, my skin was crawling. Then I discovered the reason. I was sharing the room with a family of ants that very much enjoyed the bed.

I’ll wait till you’re done saying "EW!"

Better now?

So after taking a very long shower I moved to another room where the toilet was decidedly yellow, and not in a good mid-1970’s decorating sense. And now I’ve moved around so much that I’m awake, and don’t need to get up for another three hours. The upside of this room, aside from having no small woodland creatures and a clean toilet is that the air conditioner is much quieter, and not covered in black goo.

Don’t even get me started on the plane ride. Some things are better left unsaid.

Saturday, Sept. 2, 2000
12:01 am
Kansas City, MO

So I'm taking a break from packing. Packing bites. I asked my friend Groves how many bags he took on tour, and he said two. One of them has clothes, the other has his playstation. And so I figured it must be a pretty big bag. No. It's a small bag. So I was like, "OK, I can do this." Again, I was wrong. I can't do it. I have four bags. Two for clothes, shoes, bathroom stuff, and makeup (for the show, thank you very much). My computer (so I can do this whole diary thing, and e-mail and stuff) and my backpack, which holds the scripts for my shows (which are not double sided copies, so they take up a lot of room).

That's a lot. I'm going to be known as the "bag man". I'll be shunned.

Ha ha. I'm a pretty darn good actor. I love that about me.

Anyway, I leave for the airport in about 12 hours. Provided I survive the plane flight (which I am not too excited about) I will write more when I get into the hotel in beautiful, scenic Rome, GA. Woo.