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Idol Top 7 Results: In Which the Suspense Is Finally Over
You know, I'm thinking that the use of the judges save has rendered the remainder of this season completely suspense-free. Perhaps that's why the apathy set in.
True, I've always been a fan of Dueling Unicorns, but Simon is right - he's not going to win. And probably won't even get a record contract anytime soon. But at least we'll have one more week of piano magic. (Gliss!) And maybe next week, America will get it right and send home Slumdog and Lo Expectations.
GROUP SONG: It's like they knew he was being voted out, no? Otherwise why does he get the chorus both times? Foreshadowing? You mean the judges didn't make their decision on the spot? Shocking.
JUDGMENT: Is it me, or does Lo Expectations dress like a rich widow going to Vegas?
CAMEOS: Miley, if you're going to headbang, maybe you shouldn't wear a prom dress. And stop raising your hand in the air. We know the song is about climbing. What? You want me to talk about her singing? That's not singing. If I wanted to write about screeching cats, I would devote much more time to WickedRaverSiriano.
JHud: Sure. But why do you always choose that song to sing live? It's not very good.
RESULTS: Finally. No more singing for your life. And I'm happy - I really am. But I feel like each week marches closer and closer to a Wicked/Downey finale and that makes me sad.
NEXT WEEK: Disco. Wicked is going to be in his element and I will probably want to hurl something at my tv. Downey is guaranteed to do some crazy Taylor Hicks-ish dancing. And Slumdog is guaranteed to strut around the stage like an entitled Sigma Chi. But if anyone trots out MacAurthur Park, I will vote for them, no questions asked.Labels: idol
Saturday, April 18, 2009 link
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Idol Top 7: Well At Least It Wasn't Mulan
Oh wait. HSM3 already treated us to that little ditty (Reflections - gag) in the semis. And do we wonder why she didn't make it? Actually, at this point, I'm wondering how half of this cast made it. Tonight's performance episode was almost like a contest to see who could get me to do other things to distract myself the fastest.
OBSERVATION #1 - I'm still mad that I had to go and watch the rest of last week's Fringe on my computer. It's just not the same. And cutting the absurd judges' entrance was probably a good plan. But only letting two judges talk for each contestant? And making Kara and Randy go at the same time? That's practically guaranteeing that half of the contestants will get virtually no constructive criticism. But whatever. The less people fawning over WickedRaver, the better.
Charo - "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith (from Armageddon) - I'm on board. Believe me. But I had a brief Overmeyer flashback during this performance. Crazy hair, growl - the only difference? I don't believe that Charo got her voice from smoking too much crack.
Slumdog Fratboy - "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams (from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) - Yawn. I like this better when Brandy sings it. You hear me Slumdog? I like BRANDY circa 1998 better than you.
WickedRaverSiriano - "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf (from Easy Rider) - I do not want to get into a car with WickedRS - because he only has two gears: 1st and Overdrive. And even when he's driving in first, he somehow manages to grind the gears. And not in a good way (much like this metaphor). Seriously, do you think you're the second coming of Axl Rose? Because we've seen that dude reincarnated, and it's not a pretty sight. This was nothing more than loud, crazy karaoke. STOP SCREAMING ON MY TV. And Paula - STOP SALIVATING.
Dueling Unicorns - "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman" by Bryan Adams (from Don Juan Demarco) - Wait, this sounds familiar. Right - Daughtry sang it back in the day. And he sang it better. Or at least he didn't try to take away the Latin flavor of the song; he understood that Bryan Adams is a rock singer (easy listening, yes, but still - rock). This wasn't great - much as I want you to do better than other people on this show. Please stop being so spotty, ok?
Dead Wife Sonny Crockett Jr. - "Endless Love" by Diana Ross (from Endless Love) - You know I love a good harp solo. But this was neither the time nor the place. And please stop singing songs that make all of us realize that you're picturing your dead wife. It's just as bad as your friends holding up her picture.
MayerMatthewsMraz - "Falling Slowly" Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (from Once) - Ok. This song would not go away for months. And it was finally off the radar. You know I'm a fan, dude, but did you really have to bring it back? OK, go ahead with the comments, people. I'm the only person in the world to not go nuts for this song on the Oscars last year. Yes, it was mildly cute when the girl got to come back out and thank people, and their modesty is refreshing, but come on. What a boring song. Fine. I'll buy it on the I-Tunes. Now leave me alone.
OBSERVATION #2 - Why am I suddenly in the mood for some Robin Thicke? I don't even like Robin Thicke. And yet I am downloading like crazy. Do you see what you're doing to me, Idol?
Low Expectations - "The Rose" by Bette Midler (from The Rose) - You know, I was merely cringing at your gospel Bette. But then you decided to open your mouth and CUT INTO FRINGE AGAIN. But even if we were running on time, did you really think that arguing was the way to win votes? Your hair-of-many-styles heyday had better be waning. I think you've got at least another week in you (sorry, Slumdog) but I would like you to go away. Soon.
SHOULD GO: Low Expectations
WILL GO: Slumdog FratboyLabels: idol
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 link
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Idol Top 8 Results: In Which I Lose All Respect For Paula and Kara
Are you kidding me? There were some moments there where I didn't think the entire "judges save deliberation" wasn't completely staged. Did the girls really want to use it? After that? After that wretched high note? I will say it out loud - if the judges had used their save last night, it would have been the end of the road for me.
And to think, I almost stopped watching after the sing for your life "performance". I wish I had - it would have spared me the drama and suspense of wondering whether or not I was going to have to burn my Carrie Underwood cds in protest. (Don't worry - I would never do that.)
GROUP SONG: Um. Ouch. This performance has shown us two things:
1. There aren't many songs that work with only two women. Especially two women with radically different sounds.
2. Napoleon was really holding everyone back with the choreography. Now I'm not saying that I enjoy watching idiots do jazz squares, but it has to be better than the back and forth mess they subjected us to last night. I bet the choreographers were jumping for joy at the end of the episode.
JUDGMENT: I spent all my judgment on the group number. It was that bad. And Adam's gigantic feet continue to frighten me. Maybe don't wear white boots, ok?
CAMEOS: Oh Frankie Avalon. Why are you here? Is the national tour of Grease stopping through LA? Do you have a greatest hits cd coming out (or "dropping", as the kids say)? Whether or not you sounded good (I fast forwarded through most of it - that is a boring song, no?) you had a lot of grace on the stage. Some of the kids should learn from you.
Flo Rida. I don't care for rap as a general rule, but this wasn't bad. The thing that I took away from this performance was that one can dance by simply raising one foot in the air, and then switching legs. I'm totally going to work that into my club routine. You know, for all the times I go to clubs.
Pickler: Well, she looks great, doesn't she? And she's certainly a better performer than she was back in the day. And I kind of liked that song (until I found out that Taylor Swift was a co-writer - bleh). But there's a reason Pickler didn't win. And that reason is she's just not an awesome singer. Oh well.
RESULTS: Thank you, America for not making me hate you. Paula and Kara? The verdict is still out.
NEXT WEEK: Oh we're in for a doozie (how does one spell that?) of a week next week. "Idols at the Movies," mentored by Quentin Tarantino. Yeah, I bet he knows a lot about singing. Plus performances by JHud and Miley Cyrus. I might have to start drinking earlier in the day.Labels: idol
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 link
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Idol Top 8: God I'm Old
After last night's extended session of martinis and madness, I decided to take a nap after work. So I was nice and refreshed when I woke up for Idol. I kind of wish I'd stayed asleep, though. Because in addition to making me say "Ugh" each time they announced their birthday, each contestant managed to bore me to tears.
Dead Wife Downey, Jr. - "Stand by Me" by Mickey Gilley: About midway through this song I decided that I was bored enough to go to the kitchen and start making dinner. You hear that, Gokey? You've become background noise. Stop trying to inspire me and go back to the PYT vibe.
MatthewsMayerMraz - "All She Wants to Do is Dance" by Don Henley: I'm of the opinion that the producers hate MMM. Why else would they put him on the stupid "middle of the audience" pedestal? He looks like a munchkin amid a field of swaying flowers. Or poppies. Maybe that's why I'm falling asleep again. (Yeah, I just referenced The Wizard of Oz. Deal with it.) This is the first week in a while that I'm not shelling out 99 cents on the I-Tunes - yawn.
Low Expectations - "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner: Screw listening to the judges. Why haven't you listened to me for the last 5 weeks? You've been singing karaoke this whole time and I'm glad you finally got called on it. If you don't wind up in the bottom three I will...well, I'll do something bold and unexpected. You know - kind of like you haven't been doing this whole time.
Slumdog Fratboy - "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper: I'm sorry. I don't like this song. I never have. It remind me of those old Kodak commercials. And if that dates me, so be it. Because guess what? I wasn't born in the mid to late 80's (or 90's - god.) so I'm not hearing these songs for the first time. I will give Slumdog some props for making his frat boy friends stay at home. Now the only thing making him look like a loser is that green cardigan.
Napoleon Blind-O-Mite - "The Search is Over" by Survivor: I'm starting to feel bad for making fun of the blind kid. Can we just let him go home and stop this madness? This was bad. Seriously. Let him go, people.
Charo - "I Can’t Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt: I am now a fan. Maybe not a fan that would buy her cd, but in this season of severe mediocre-ness, her manic panic is actually a bright spot. But why does Randy refuse to say Kelly's name? Is he worried that a direct comparison will create an Alexis Grace moment again? (SIDEBAR: I'm ok with the Bonnie and George Michael versions of this song, but what I really enjoy is Megan Mullally's Connie Raitt version on SNL - if anyone can find it on the internet somewhere I'll be eternally grateful.)
Dueling Bubbles - "Part Time Lover" by Stevie Wonder: During this whole performance I was trying to figure out what was really making it work. And then it hit me: the fedora covers up the mole. If there was ever a reason to rock a hat, this is it. Because as one of my friends pointed out last week - the mole makes him look like a unicorn. Which means his choices are to 1) wear hat and cover up or 2) wear pink glitter and hope that the Rainbow Archuletta Coalition will be powerless against mythical creatures.
OBSERVATION: Why hasn't someone yelled at the "director" yet? Seven minutes over time is excessive. And I swear if this dude's lack of skills means that my Fringe recording cuts off before the closing credits, I am going to hold Donnie personally responsible.
Donnie Darko - "Mad World" by Tears for Fears: Sigh. Yes, most of this song sounds good. Yes, the downlight worked for Bo way back in Season 4 (and again for this douche a few weeks ago - is the light designer asleep at the wheel?). But you know what? I'm so over the hype that nothing you do is going to make me like you. Your high notes make me want to peel the skin from my arms. And your fringey scarf? Just reminds me that I'm missing Fringe. Jerk.
SHOULD GO: Napoleon and/or Lil
WILL GO: Napoleon
Tomorrow night: Flo-rida and Kellie Pickler. Wasn't this supposed to be a showcase for past winners? Is Pickler really the best you can get this week? I seriously doubt Taylor Hicks is unavailable. (Watch next week's guest be Bucky Covington or Crappy Lee Suck. Perhaps in a moving duet about living in a trailer park.) We still need performances from Carrie, Fantasia (yee!) and Jordin before we start scraping the bottom of the barrel.Labels: idol
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 link
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Idol Top 9 Results: In Which I Ponder Zippers As Accessories
Oh children. What is happening with the world? Two glasses of wine and I passed out at 10:30. If it weren't for Jenni's assist yesterday, I never would have made it. I think we can blame the contact high from standing too close to my TV when Tropical Barbie (also dubbed Puff Puff Pass by some of my more astute co-critics) was singing.
GROUP SONG: While this wasn't a complete train wreck like last week, it only made me want to see Glee even more. Did you catch the preview during the performance episode? I'd pay money for that recording of Don't Stop Believing.
JUDGMENT: You can tell I was tired - the only thought I could muster up was that Tender Puppy should have saved his "Please Don't Stop the Music" t-shirt until he is in the Top 4 and in danger of being Daughtry-ed out of the finals without the safety net of the judges' save.
CAMEOS: What? What the hell was that? You just know that Tropical Stoner Barbie was thinking "I sound just like her! Slap a zipper on my eye and we can have the same career!" If I could have voted out Lady Gaga, I would have. I do like the see-through piano though - I'll give her that.
Cookie's pre-taped performance seemed a little sleepy. But knowing that he's canceled some concerts due to family issues makes me wonder if he was worried about his brother or something and not seeing him in the audience with his mom made him extra sad. I'll give him a pass. After all - I contributed to the platinumifcation of his album. And part of me enjoys when people who are emotional well up all the time - but not in a creepy Bachelor way.
RESULTS: Way to get it right, America. I would have been happy with either one of the bottom two going. (Why was Slumdog's fratdouche friend wearing a bowtie tonight? Lame.) But the caw-ing and the apathy and the crazy eyes made me glad that it was Barbie's time.
NEXT WEEK: Songs From the Year They Were Born is just a fancy way of saying 80's night. And it's also a convenient way for the producers to make me feel old. Jerks.Labels: idol
Thursday, April 02, 2009 link
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Idol Top 9: Modern Day Disaster
Rehearsals started this week, so I couldn't even watch last night's episode until 11:45pm. Then I had to give some sort of presentation to a bunch of MBA's all morning. But I don't want to leave you people high and dry. So I present to you a special guest appearance by Miss Jenni A. She agrees with me on many fronts, most notably the sheer absurdity of WickedRaverSiriano. Give her some love, OK?
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Oh my...
Observations:
Can we please get rid of that stupid narcissistic grand entrance to introduce the judges? Ugh.
Does Ryan Seacrest ever sleep?
Does Paula ever get enough sleep at night? Her eyes always look so heavy.
Who does Kara's hair? I was digging the hairstyle last night. But that was about it.
(these may be out of order)
Slumdog (Caught up): OK douche, stop trying to be Michael Jackson, Usher, Bobby Brown, Ne-Yo or Chris Brown (Oh... too soon?). If you're going to sing a song with a lot of rhythm... then you have to dance... not just jump down, hit a Michael Jackson pose and expect the sorority girls to go crazy. You would have been much better singing that Slumdog Bollywood song that's everywhere nowadays.
Jamaican Lillith Fair Barbie (Turn Your Lights Down Low): I am actually glad she didn't do Adele or Amy Winehouse or Duffy.. because this girl is no where near as talented as they are and I think she keeps avoiding those songs because she knows it will show just how weak she is as a singer. Sure she has the same vibe, but not the same talent. Was this the wrong song choice? Eh. It wasn't as horrible as the judges made it seem... but her shtick is old. Time for you to ride off into the Jamaican sunset and spark one up, honey.
Dead Wife Downey, Jr. (What Hurts The Most): Well, good for DWD for not throwing the dead wife shtick in our faces. But you know he subconciously does these "longing" songs to generate sympathy votes... let's not sugar-coat it. He can't be blind like Scott... and he doesn't have a little kid to throw him or herself on Randy... so he has to "tear at people's heart strings" to get people to dial. I thought he was flat and kind of under the notes the entire time... but oh well. P.S. I highly expect him to discuss his wife on camera in the coming weeks, especially if he gets booted into the bottom 3 at some point.
Paula's Daughter (Don't Speak): The outfit was a bit "I wanna be a rock star someday, mommy!" but it fit the performance. The first half of the song was sooooo much better than the second half. It got kind of "Courtney Love on crack" towards the end. I think you're going down to the bottom 3 tonight... even though you're just 16!!!!!!
Napoleon Blind-O-Mite (Just The Way You Are): I liked it. I especially liked it when Kara said she liked the new look... he doesn't know what he looks like stupid!!! I also love the disrespect in the he showed Ryan by wearing his iPod earbuds in the radio studio when Ryan was talking.. or was that just a cheap plug for Apple? But the song was good. He showed a little more vocal range which was nice... he can stick around another week for another inspirational song on the piano.
Dueling Bubbles (You Found Me): Oh boy... I don't know what disappointed me more: The fact that you didn't do a Timberlake song, the fact that you picked the wussiest band around right now to cover, the fact that you grunted the entire song to make your voice seem more "rockish" or your justification for doing that song "well, I like rock." Hey buddy, so do I, but I'm not going to attempt to sing it on national TV (I would totally do Beyonce... duh!). Stick to what you do best and pick artists who aren't going to be the next Candlebox and have people look back on their albums and say "Ick, why did I ever spend 10 bucks on this album?"
Lil Disappointing (I Surrender): First off, no one can do this song like Kelly Clarkson did in the final 3 on season 1 when Simon picked it for her. Girlfriend sang it with laryngitis and still sang it better than this senior citizen singer. Sure she had nice control over her voice... but my grandmother's Depends also have nice control... and that's who I'm going to start comparing you to Lil Rounds.. my Grandma. Because you had every chance to do something B96-ish... and you blew it... AGAIN! However, I predict you will be spared the bottom 3 because instead of the judges reminding us how GREAT you are like they did last week, Ryan saved you by sending your adorable kid to ham it up for the cameras with Randy. Well played, Seacrest.
Fallout Elvis (Play That Funky Music): What a joke.
Dave Matthews Mayer Mraz (Ain't No Sunshine): I have 4 words for Kris, "He has now been crowned my new boyfriend for the season... because he is on fire." I agree that he brought the swagger last night... but he also brought that singer/songwriter angst to a song that's a million years old and made it sound new again. He's the most current artist right now... and I think he can ride Jason Mraz's coattails all the way to the final 3. Well done.
Top 3:
Dave Matthews Mayer Mraz
Dead Wife Downey, Jr.
Napoleon Blind-O-Mite
Bottom 3:
Slumdog
Jamaican Barbie
Paula's Daughter
Will go: Slumdog
Should go: Jamaican BarbieLabels: idol
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