The Juice

First off, let's talk about Highland Park. You know the movie Clueless? Imagine that movie plunked down in suburban Chicago, and you get the same thing, with lots more sweaters. Now imagine the privileged teenagers growing up and turning into soccer moms, and later grandmas. They still feel as if they deserve everything, but now it's their husbands' money they're spending, instead of their parents'.

Anyway. I was in Highland Park today, and I thought I'd stop and get a nice refreshing smoothie from Jamba Juice. For those not in the know, Jamba smoothies are basically fruit and juice, with some yogurt or something thrown in. There's not much to them. I place my order and sit down to wait.

An HP grandma comes in (leaving her grandchild sitting in the Range Rover in the parking lot) her leather mules a flopping, as they are wont to do, and stands before the register.

HP: Yeah, I want the one with all the fruit.
Jamba Juice Worker: Um...what?
HP: Give me the one with all the fruit!
Jamba Juice: We have lots of fruit options, like --
HP: What is it? The Strawberry Surf Rider? The Razzmatazz?
JJ: The Strawberry Surf Rider has strawberries and peaches, and the Razzmatazz has strawberries and raspberries.

HP stares at JJ.

HP: So which one has all the fruit?

This goes on for a while, but I just can't bear to keep going. I wanted to go up to her and shake her and point out that this is JAMBA JUICE. EVERYTHING HERE HAS FRUIT.

She ended up making up some concoction which a) did not sound at all good and b) still did not have all the fruit, but for some reason, included coconut (as if her granddaughter in the car seat would like that...) and then proceeded to complain that the price was $5.47, which is not what is advertised. JJ politely told her (three times) that because she had ordered off the menu, the extra fruit cost and extra 50 cents. 50 cents. That's what was such a big deal. (Although I'm sure she needed that to fill up the tank in her Range Rover, so I really shouldn't judge.)

She then proceeded to watch JJ make the smoothie. But she started to become agitated; clearly something was going wrong. She turned to me:

HP: Is she making one for you too?
Me: Yes.

And that's all I could muster. Here's what I wished had happened:

HP: Is she making one for you too?
Me: I would imagine so, since I ordered before you, and she has not been able to start making my order, as you have been standing at the counter asking inane questions about which smoothie has all the fruit at a store where ALL THE SMOOTHIES HAVE FRUIT!

But I didn't say anything. After JJ had started both smoothies, she went back to the register to take the order of the next woman in line. As the next woman began to speak, HP interrupted and told JJ to put the smoothie into two cups.

So basically, this rich, entitled woman made up a smoothie, complained about the price, and then had the poor worker split it into two smaller cups, thus making her total smoothie cost about 3 dollars less than it would have been if she HAD BOUGHT TWO SMOOTHIES.

I hope the worker was smart enough to give her a free double boost of Ex Lax. That's what I would have done.