Sunday, October 30, 2005

The Ex

OK, time for a rare heartfelt post.

Oh wait. I was going to order a pizza when I got home. Hang on.

And we're back. Sorry about that. Food is important.

Some of you have asked about the ex and who she is and why she's my ex and why I still talk to her if she's my ex. Well, the short version is that she's been my best friend for over ten years now and we used to live together when we first came to Chicago, but then she moved out to be closer to the train and so it all just means that she's my "ex-roommate". Don't worry.

There have been numerous meals at Chilis, weddings, shopping excursions, parties, bar crawls, karaoke duets, all day instant messaging, concerts, used cd ventures and more episodes of Friends and Sifl & Olly than you can shake a stick at. And stop shaking that stick. It's rude and you might hurt someone.

Then she decided she needed to be an up and coming starlet and go to grad school in Indiana. A mere 4.5 hours away (4 if you're speedy...not that I know about that). It could be worse.

We drove out there together in August and set up her new apartment. She showed me around campus and the town and it was all well and good. But no one else was there yet, and she drove back to Chicago with me to have her going-away party before she started classes. It was more like a road trip than anything else.

Since then, I've been keeping pretty busy with work, the company, my thesis, some family stuff, and lots of Veronica Mars. We talk on the phone or online once in a while. She visited for the magical Pete Yorn concert a few weeks ago. But we have a history of being busy and sometimes a few weeks would go by when we didn't really see each other, even while living in the same city. So I was pretty much ok.

Until last week. I drove out there to see her in her first show and to meet her friends (like Jeff, who I know is reading this, because she will tell him to...hey man...yeah, right?) and stuff. And then it just hit me.

I hadn't realized just how much I miss her, and I'm not sure if she realizes it either. We don't usually talk about stuff like that, because then we'd both just probably cry.

Speaking of crying, I've been holding back that stream for a few days now. (I'm sure all I need is a good episode of Grey's Anatomy and I'll be fine.) But I've tried to not let it get in the way of having fun during my visit, and I don't want it to get in the way of her visit to Chicago this weekend (to see a show and have some high-flying dinner). There was definitely some major welling at numerous points over the two days I was there, and I have to say that my eyes did not look good after seeing her show. I've never really felt such an all-consuming sadness, probably because I didn't really think about it for two months and then it all just came up at once. I'd think about something, like our song (which used to be Dave Matthews' "So Much To Say", but I think it's safe to say that it's been replaced by the far superior "Undercover" by Pete Yorn) and start right up again and have to stare into space in the middle of the bar and breathe deeply a few times to make it go away.

You know, one has to power through.

Both of us have so many good things going on right now, and I know the three years of her program will probably fly by, and then maybe she'll come back. And it's not like she's far away. We'll still probably see each other every few weeks and talk as much as we always do. And even if she doesn't come back to Chicago, by then I expect us both to be so high-flying that we'll have private jets and videophones and stuff, so it won't be a big deal at all.

So now I'm going to go have my pizza and watch some Grey's, which will most likely help me to get the rest of it out. And then she'll read this in the next few days and find out how much I love her and miss her and then she'll cry and maybe I should save this episode of Grey's on the TiVo for this weekend, because maybe it will help her too.

I can't promise that there will be pizza left when she gets here though. I'm pretty hungry.

She'll understand.