The List

I won't lie. I've always been a bit of a gossip. If there's some scandal going around, I want to know about it. And it's like a public service to spread the news. (Yes, I will keep my mouth shut when it really counts, but don't even try to tell me about a surprise birthday party until absolutely necessary.)

This was one of those times. It was weird. They'd been together for years, and I almost didn't believe it when I found out they'd broken up. I talked to the ex about it, but I didn't say anything to anyone else. Instead I waited until I heard it from him. Two days later, I did.

It was an amicable breakup, apparently, and no one is supposed to choose sides. At the same time, we still see both of them at all of the same events, because their relationship has crossed all kinds of friendship lines so that no one would be able to choose a side without really hurting someone. At the same time, one's instinct is to align onesself with one of the parties, just out of sympathy and respect. Which is making these events harder and harder.

I told him that I would keep it all under wraps, but he said to go ahead and tell everyone. That each person I told would be one less person that he had to tell. Which makes sense. "I need to tell you something" is never a good way to start a conversation. If it happens at the beginning of the night, it determines the color of the entire evening. If it happens at the end of the night, then the one who says it probably wasn't mentally there for the beginning or the middle, because they were busy thinking about the end and the talk. That's not fun.

It was much easier back in high school.

My high school had two dances every year (not counting prom). Who was going to ask whom was always a big question, because it was a fairly small school and people's choices were inevitably going to overlap a bit. For some reason, in a flash of boredom/organization during freshman study hall, I made a list of confirmed date couples. I color coded it and everything with markers for each class, other schools, marks for people that were dating or people that were just friends. It was all very complex, but the day I brought those eight markers to school to start the list each semester was an exciting time.

It became a public service for the nervous and the lovelorn. They could consult the list to see if their potential date was already spoken for, and if I'd heard rumblings of an opposing invitation, it might give them the courage to suck it up and ask her. Because there was only one Cosmo Girl "Hot Guys in High School" models at PHS, and the rest of us only had speed on our side.

These days I hardly hear a single rumble. I'm sure they're out there, but my ear isn't tuned into that frequency any more.

Since my main concern was for people in our class, the prom list didn't show up until junior year. Believe me, that was a big deal. My locker was a virtual dating service, with names flying onto the list at a breakneck rate. It was always a big contest to see who would top my list, not because they made the first invitation, but because I just decided to put them there. It was all very "Who's going to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue ?"(and great, now people will come here looking for pictures and they're not going to find any...stupid google). Eventually people would be sorted by the groups they were all going with. Couples would be mad if I didn't put them on the list automatically, because I required an actual invitation. Assumptions didn't count. If someone made me mad, they could be pushed down on the list during one of the frequent re-copying sessions in AP Chemistry.

Now, it's about more than who's going with whom. People move in together. They go to Ikea. They get dogs. They trade in their futons for king-sized beds. And sometimes they break up.

I can't just re-copy the list and leave their names off. That's what I would do if someone changed their mind. I put both parties back on the market with the stroke of a marker, and someone else's name would take their places on that line. The removed names would probably appear later, further down the list with a second choice. If I recall correctly, at some point I began a list of people that had confirmed that they did not want to go, or who would be out of town, just to save some people a bit of embarassment.

I suppose I could start a new list, one with different colors for different things. The could be obvious age and sexuality lines, but then also sections of "focusing on her career" or "moving in two months" or "just got out of a relationship." It can go along with the adult (and yet immature) methods of deleting someone from your cell phone or your friendster profile. Maybe it will make things easier for people. Then they won't have to tell anyone the bad news. If it's on the list, everyone will know. There can be different colored columns for who goes with each half of the broken relationship so there's no confusion.

I think I'm going to need more than those eight markers.