Tuesday, December 21, 2004

The Point

I could take the time to express some sort of puncutation diatribe or note the importance of sarcasm in daily speech. But why bother when someone has done it so much better?

"It is time for the adoption of the sarcasm point. Why the sarcasm point? We have a mark that conveys that we mean or know something. We have one that says it with volume and force! We have one that communicates that we don't know something, don't we? We need one more: to do for language what shade did for drawing, what color did for television, and what eyebrows did for expressions—introduce finesse.

Believe it or not, the world we've landed in is not only more image-obsessed than we've ever seen. It's also more text-based than ever. We finger-type and we thumb-type. We e-mail, we IM, we blog. And the forms cannot contain the content. There's a dastardly disconnect. Among other things, it makes Dave Barry columns somewhat difficult to read. Someone must step into the sarcasm chasmˇ"

Read the whole article here. Or just accept the fact that I might start using ˇ on a regular basis.
12/21/2004 02:53:00 PM link | talk (1)

 Friday, December 17, 2004
The Toque

You know, I thought that it couldn't get worse than summer fashion. But apparently it can. As soon as the cold hits, people's dignity just goes right out the window. Why is it that extreme temperatures (and please, it's cold, but it's not that cold) bring out this insanity?

But I digress. Because I've been collecting so many things this week, and because it's the end of the year, the following blog post will be in list form. Let's call it:

THINGS THAT ANNOY MICKY ABOUT WINTER HATS

5. Canadians who insist on using words like "toque". Why? Why?! A few days ago, the Can-Asian was talking about winter things and he threw that word out there, which almost made me snort milk through my nose. I'd forgotten that such idiocy even existed. All it took was a look from me to get him to say "Oh right! Hat! I meant hat! You know, like a stocking cap!"

4. Women who insist on wearing matching hats, scarves and gloves. (And this isn't even counting Burberry scarves. Someday I'll do a list just about those.) There was a girl in undergrand (who, granted, was a little bit slower than everyone else...) who also sported a matching sweater. All at the same time. So an astute observer told her that it would be really cool if she pulled up the neck of the sweater and pulled down the hat so that she had no skin showing at all.

And then she did it. Wow, some people don't even bother to think about things.

Note: Girls do get off easier in the grand scheme of things, because they are entitled to a certain amount of cuteness, much in the same vein of capris and flip flops. Men: Do not wear them. Any of them.

3. Hats that extend far beyond the natural height of the head, giving the wearer the alien look of a Conehead. Just pull it down. Or better yet, go buy a normal hat. I won't even mention stupid ski hats with all kinds of points and ears and whatnot. Are you on the slopes? No. You're getting off at Merchandise Mart. No skiing for you today.

2. Let's talk about the men in suits and overcoats who match their burberry scarves with those lame American Eagle hats (again with the pom pom) with the extra added bonus of ear flaps from which long pieces of yarn must hang. As if they're going to tie them up around their chin. Are you in A Christmas Story? If you've gone to so much trouble to look professional, why do you have to ruin it by looking like a douchebag?

1. Men who wear fluffy pastel hats with pom poms on the top. Come on man, have some pride. It's not cute, it's not whimsical. It doesn't show that you're sensitive and cuddly like a teddy bear. It just shows that you're too lazy too look in a mirror and realize what an idiot (and for that matter a GIRL) you look like.

While we're on the subject of masculinity, I must bring up this dude in my office named "Matti". Seriously. Matti? I know the name "Micky" doesn't exactly conjure up images of pro-wrestlers, but Matti? What man in his right mind (unless maybe he's transgendered or something, in which case, I won't judge) is going to take a perfectly normal name like Matt and tack an I on the end of it? An I. Like Brandi. Or Mindi. Or Becki. Get a life, man.

This concludes my list of THINGS THAT ANNOY MICKY ABOUT WINTER HATS.

It's going to be a long, cold season.
12/17/2004 09:38:00 AM link | talk

Thursday, December 02, 2004
The Lecture

I just wish that I could get up in front of my Wednesday night class and give a little talk to the undergrads called "What It's Like To Be a Grad Student" or "Why You Should Shut the Hell Up".

But sadly, the undergrads outnumber the grad students at a ratio of 3 to 1. And the class isn't huge. You do the math. (Actually that's harsh...I already have to do math, so there's no reason to make you do it too...there are 5 grad students and 15 undergrads in my class.)

I forget if I've mentioned some of the specific students in the class. We have "Talks-A-Lot", this obnoxious chick in the front row who decided that her questions were important enough to interrupt our grad presentations, instead of just waiting until the end like ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO. We also have "Hot Wheels", a girl who feels that it is appropriate to purchase vintage children's t-shirts and cut them up a la Flashdance to make her own fashion statment. Let me tell you something HW. I had that shirt before you were born. But I am not so old that it is vintage. Stop it.

But I digress. I realized last night that all of these kids are living the undergrad college life. They get up at 10 or 11, go to class and hang out with their friends on the Quad. Except we don't have a Quad. But you get the gist. They may have a part-time job sitting at the front desk of a campus art gallery (of which there are actually like 25, so there are plenty of front desk workers sitting there idly drawing on their hands with a ball point pen while pretending to do their homework). The idea of a night class is like a novelty to them. It's like Astronomy for artists.

(Except, for some reason...80% of the undergrads in my class are sports management majors. So they're filled with tons of insight about the non-profit arts industry. They all just want to work at a stadium. It's awesome.)

So last night when our guest speaker from the White Sox Guest Services department came and began to tell us defamatory tales of people that call her and complain, they latched on to her like...ok, I have no metaphor this early in the day...like undergrads on a speaker...how's that? They asked quite possibly the dumbest questions I've ever heard, like, "How do I get a job at the Stadium?" To which she replied, "Fill out an application." (She wasn't exactly tack-like in her intelligence either, but at least she didn't go over the entire application process, which might have caused me to hurl at her head one of the commemorative White Sox keychains that she handed out as a "bribe".)

And so, as I desperately had to go to the bathroom, but was trapped against the wall in a long row of tables, I prayed for the madness to end. But it didn't. The questions kept coming, and she kept handing out bobble-head dolls as prizes for the "who can ask the dumbest question in the world?" contest, of which each and every one of the undergrads was bucking for the title.

It dawned on me that they just didn't care. They don't have to get up early and go to work and then go straight to class. They don't have to spend their weekends doing homework, because they actually have something called "time" during the week. They don't have to worry about paying rent and utilities and insurance bills because they're still living on their parents' dime. So their "Fun!" night class can go as long as they want, because even if it ends at 9pm, they'll be up for hours. So they can walk two blocks to their dorm and be wasted in 10 minutes, whereas the rest of us will trundle to the train and 40 minutes later land at our overpriced apartments and attempt to read about the present value of annuities.

And this is what I want to tell them. That their incessant chatter makes it impossible for the rest of us to have a normal life and a decent night's sleep. That if they would just stop asking inane questions and listen to the lectures, they would probably learn the same stuff and we could leave class at 8. That if they would just understand that there are ACTUAL GROWNUPS sitting ten feet away from them, who have lives and jobs and can't just go kick it at the bar for the next 5 hours becasue they don't have class on Thursday mornings, then NO ONE WILL GET HURT.

Five more weeks this semester. Woo.
12/02/2004 09:11:00 AM link | talk

Wednesday, December 01, 2004
The Best

I didn't think yesterday could get much better. Walking to the CD store at lunch to pick up the new Kelly Clarkson set a pretty high note for the day.

But then I got home after my meeting. I'd been looking forward to One Tree Hill all day. The ad in the RedEye with a picture of Peyton and Ana with the caption "It was jsut a sleepover...right?" literally made me drop my paper. Come on. Lesbians make for great drama.

And in case you think this is going to be a OTH recap and you'll be bored, well, you're ok you might. But who cares?

So this season has been rather luckluster on the scandal meter. Give us more "Donna Martin graduates!" I say. Because that's why we watch.

But I digress. Last night's episode was the best ever.

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #1: Lucas has a 50/50 chance of a congenital heart defect. But he refuses to take the test because he doesn't want to live his life differently. But then his mom (Moira Kelly...who doesn't love The Cutting Edge?) finds out and comes in with a huge screaming extravaganza that totally cuts Lucas down to size. Looks like the teenagers of Tree Hill aren't as independent as they think they are. Awesome.

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #2: The lesbian thing was nothing. But Peyton's depression finally drove her to find the music agent who gave her crack for the first time. And just as she was about to buy some from him, who shows up out of NOWHERE? JAKE! The awesome guy with the baby who left last season and hasn't been around since. Just showed up there on the street!

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #3: Deb shows up at Karen's (Moira Kelly again) house. And tells her that she lied and that she DID sleep with Keith, Lucas's estranged father's brother, Karen's former best friend and suitor. (And we should note that Keith is also Deb's husband's brother. So, technically, Deb is Lucas's stepmom, but she's a business partner of Karen, Lucas's real mom. It's all very tricky.)

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #4: Haley shows up at the train station to go to New York with Chris, the tortured singer (played by spiky haired acoustic pop sensation Tyler Hilton) instead of going home to her husband (Yes, she's married. In high school. To another high schooler. Ew.), who cooked her a big apology dinner and waits with anticipation while lighting candles.

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #5: Keith leaves a message on Jules's answering machine telling her that he loves her. Even after she tried to get him to leave Tree Hill to pursue his dream of teaching in Charleston. (He's staying to work at the car dealership, where Dan offered him a vice-president position.) And then we see that she's listening, and looks kind of wistful. And then we hear an evil chuckle, and we assume that it's her husband or something else shady. And then the camera pans over and we see that it's...DAN! Who then says, "Excellent Jules...it's just like we planned." What did they plan? For Keith to fall in love and stay in Tree Hill? what's going to happen now? Why did she try to get him to leave? And how come Dan is evil again, after he was all nice after the heart attack?

And WHY do I have to wait until February to find out? Why do they have to go into hiatus for stupid High School Reunion (which I also watch)? Why? WHY?

Harsh.

But at least we had last night. I was so spent that I had to go to bed immediately.

Actually, I'm a little tired now, just thinking about it. Maybe I should go take a nap in a conference room.

JAW DROPPING MOMENT #6 (added after being reminded by The Amy): Nathan tells Lucas he knows that he has feelings for someone and he should tell her, by drawing parallels between his possible heart defect and his unspoken love. The next time we see Lucas he's on someone's doorstep saying "I just had to see you." And it's Ana! But he's there to break up with her, because he loves someone else. Who is it? Is it Peyton? Is it Brooke? Is it Haley? What do we do?

Then we see Felix practically begging Brooke (his contractual friend-with-benefits...really, she made up a contract and everything) to be his girlfriend and to "open her heart to him". Bleh. And you can tell she doesn't want to. But she says OK. And then they kiss. And THEN we see Lucas outside her door. He loves her! And we know that Brooke loves him, because she keeps saying how much she misses hanging out with him and talking to him. but he doesn't say anything. That's when we fade to black.

SIDENOTE: Mouth, the lovable nerd who also loves Brooke, had a shot of looking sad on a park bench. I think something big is going to happen with him. Like maybe he'll kill himself or something when we come back. There hasn't been a big death at all on this show, and it's always the nerdy one that everyone loves, but who's only a recurring character, like Scott the cowboy from 90210. Drama.
12/01/2004 10:43:00 AM link | talk (4)