Monday, December 30, 2002

The Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was on Fear Factor. And that I won. I don't recall the first two challenges, but the last one involved me drinking some sort of bloody goo from a water carafe. No one else would even attempt it, so I won by default because I tried. And for some reason I felt that I had to finish the carafe.

On a normal day, I would never think to do such a thing. But apparently I was determined to win at Fear Factor.

The bad news is that I didn't even win any money. This was some weird elimination thing where we had to do lots of Fear Factors before there was any coin. And you could be eliminated and go hom with nothing, even after drinking the bloody goo. And I was thinking how I would never be able to do a water challenge, as I'm not the best swimmer.

So. Don't expect to see me trading quips with Joe Rogan anytime soon. The dream of bloody goo was enough for me. I don't need to experience the reality of reality TV.
12/30/2002 12:16:00 PM link | talk (1)

Saturday, December 28, 2002
The Outage

We were out for a while, but we're back.

And we're planning something. The new year's coming up, so it's time for a new look.

Just watch out.
12/28/2002 11:57:00 PM link | talk (1)

Wednesday, December 25, 2002
The Presents

Remember the blender incident? Well, it's all OK now, because I finally have a new one. And just in time for the new years party.

What? You didn't know there was a party? It'll be fun. Come over.
12/25/2002 04:14:00 PM link | talk

Tuesday, December 24, 2002
The Rest

I think I'm entitled. Come on...it's Christmas.

Not like anyone is going to be on the internet for the next few days anyway.

Go eat some cookies. Have some for me. And come back soon.
12/24/2002 01:09:00 PM link | talk (1)

Wednesday, December 18, 2002
The Pennies

I donated my jar of pennies (OK, technically my phi mu mug of lots of change and one peso that the change machine took for some reason...) to the Little Brothers Friends of the Elderly in Chicago.

Perhaps you don't know why. That means you haven't been paying attention. Shel is sponsoring a penny drive for charitable donations. Come on. Holidays. Go visit Shel. Give your pennies.

12/18/2002 04:26:00 PM link | talk

The Jealousy

Look who's finished with his Christmas shopping? Over a week early?

That's right. Me. You wish you were so cool.
12/18/2002 12:20:00 AM link | talk

Tuesday, December 17, 2002
The Morning

Today I am tired and whiny and I do not feel like being out of bed.

I'm also hungry and, of course, there's no food in the house.

I have catering for 10 hours tonight, so it's difficult to justify putting on regular clothes when I'm just going to put on my tux later. But I find that if one attempts to go out in public in one's bathrobe, one doesn't have the easiest time. One is also very cold.

Some stupid animals chewed up some garbage bags that were on the back porch. It's my fault. I was too lazy to take them all the way back to the garbage cans. And our garage door is broken, so I'd have to find the gate key, and go unlock the chain, and then do it all over again to lock back up. Except now I have to clean up the mess before I do all that. Nice.

My jeans are still mud-covered. I haven't found time to wash them. Sad. I would have worn them this morning.

See what I mean about the whining?
12/17/2002 09:45:00 AM link | talk (2)

Monday, December 16, 2002
The Fall

I was running really late today. I needed to be somewhere at 2:00. I parked my car two blocks away at 1:59.

So I ran.

Down the street, across to the next block, up onto the sidewalk.

Where I promptly bit it and landed in the mud. Nice.

In front of two people my age casually strolling along. Nicer.

I continued my run and made it to the theatre on time. With mud on my knees. And dirt falling off my pants as I walked. So classy, it's not even funny.

Except that it was.
12/16/2002 01:05:00 AM link | talk (2)

Friday, December 13, 2002
The Canadian

You know who I love?

shel.

He's been awesome this week. Strange that such a good friend would be someone that I've never met. Please go visit him. Give him some love. Give him some pennies. It's never too late to give.



Love to shel.
12/13/2002 02:41:00 AM link | talk

Wednesday, December 11, 2002
The Shopping

Bought lots of presents at Ikea today. Probably too many presents. But Ikea will do that. They suck you in.

Speaking of goodwill towards men...if you email me your address, I'll send you a non-demoninational holiday card. They're really cute. You know you want one.
12/11/2002 11:57:00 PM link | talk

The Roommate Search

It's finally over! Woo! And guess who's moving in?

A chiropractor. I suppose it was just a matter of time. The Happy Canadian will be taking up residence at Casa del Micky in January. Fun.
12/11/2002 12:12:00 AM link | talk (2)

Tuesday, December 10, 2002
The Morning

Well, it's certainly not shaping up to be a good day...

UPDATE: Got a parking ticket.

UPDATE #2: Some loser stole the 70 lb sandbags from the back of my truck. Why? WHY?!
12/10/2002 09:07:00 AM link | talk (2)

Sunday, December 08, 2002
The Outfit

Ok, let's talk about how I've worn the exact same shirt and the exact same jeans for about 5 days in a row. Nothing smells bad, and I still look good.

Is anything wrong with that?
12/08/2002 02:50:00 PM link | talk (2)

Thursday, December 05, 2002
The Party

Oh, did I mention that the ex and I will be partying on the 99th floor of the Sears tower on Friday night? Black tie. Free food. Free liquor. Oh yes.

And you can't come. Ha ha.

I'll try and take some pictures. The ex is always hot and you know how people go crazy for me in my tux. (Yes, Paul, it's all about dredging up the past...)

Don't worry. I rented a vest and some shiny new shoes, so I won't have to wear my catering uniform.

Yeah. We pretty much rule.
12/05/2002 03:35:00 PM link | talk (2)

The Laziness

Wow. I've been pretty much worthless this week. Even as I sit here, there are things I should be doing (like running upstairs to answer my cell phone) but I'm just not doing them.

But at least I'm self aware.
12/05/2002 10:13:00 AM link | talk (1)

Tuesday, December 03, 2002
The Irish

Because I haven't made fun of enough foreigners...

Actually, I'm not making fun. This post has nothing to do with the Irish. But it's a post I've been meaning to write for a long time now. I was in directing class sophomore year of college and Doc was talking about comic timing. He made all of us do this little skit:

A: My grandfather was Irish.
B: Oh really?
A: O'Reilly.

Just say it to yourself a few times. It's so stupid that it's funny.

And also something that will never leave my mind. The ex and I both have this problem. We can't hear the phrase "Oh really?" without saying to ourselves (and sometimes out loud) "O'Reilly".

Oh really?
O'Reilly.

It's true. And somewhat sad. Who knew that the power of Doc's suggestion could be so strong? But we're not the only ones. griff says so too. Not about Doc. But it's the same. You go see. I'll wait here.

Interesting wasn't it? I know.

Anytime the ex and I think of a phrase, it will stick for years. We were making fun of people for saying "supposably" instead of "supposedly". It's on a Friends episode. My best friend from high school says it once in a while. And because we've now said it in jest so many times, it's become a regular part of our speech pattern. If we say one, we must say the other. There are two forms of this phenomenon:

"So I was talking to Jeff, and supposedly (supposably) he likes to smoke crack."
In this instance, we are stating that we still find the word supposably humorous and have not abandoned our inside joke.

"Eagles supposably (supposedly) mate while falling to the earth and sometimes they die."
In this instance, we are proving that we do, in fact, know the correct word and were just making a joke, even though it is more likely that the wrong word popped out because we say it too often.

(Now if you've been reading this and are surprised to know that "supposably" is not actually a word, may I recommend that you go and see a friend of mine named Webster. He'll tell you all you need to know.)

Really.

Or Reilly. Whichever.


12/03/2002 08:26:00 PM link | talk (2)

The Angst

I've been teetering on the brink of a bad mood for the past few days. Maybe it's that holiday letdown that my grandma always talks about. Or maybe it's the weather. We got a lot of snow yesterday. Snow makes you want to stay inside where it's warm and make cookies or something. It does not make you want to go out and do things.

That's what's annoying. I have things I need to do. Things that I should have been doing all day. But I haven't. I slept late. I read a book. I watched the end of Party Girl. I ate some chips and salsa. What I haven't done is leave the house. Go to the office. Make any phone calls. (I've been screening all day.) I have messages to return, but I just don't feel like it.

Sigh.
12/03/2002 02:17:00 PM link | talk (1)

Monday, December 02, 2002
The Weather

Geez. That's a lot of snow.
12/02/2002 04:57:00 PM link | talk

The TV...and Canadians

I guess Canadians can put whatever they want to on television. Last night I watched The Sunday Night Sex Show, a talk show about sex, hosted by an extremely knowledgable, if old, woman. There was an awful lot of dildo talk last night too. She keeps them all around her to use as "study guides" if you will.

Next was Bliss, which featured a girl deciding that she's a lesbian and getting it on with some dude who wore lipstick. The best part when they were all in biology talking about genes and stuff, and the professor was saying that parents who could roll their tongues would have children that could roll their tongues, and everyone in the class is rolling their tongues, and when her best friend sticks her tongue out and rolls it, this girl thinks of it as an opportunity to kiss her. Wow. She followed this act by making a card with a picture of them at some equestrial (is that a word?) event, in a big glittery heart that said "I Love Only You". And gives it to her at school. Really, the girl had no scruples at all.

Finally we had elove, a show about people (from Canada) who meet online and fall in love...except in the case of the weirdos last night. She disapproved of his partying, and even after he had her name tattooed on his back, she rebuffed him and decided to become good friends that only email once in a while. But that's OK, because she was really not attractive at all, and if he emerges with just a tattoo that he never sees, then he's lucky.

I spent a full 90 minutes watching all this stuff. It was late. It was Sunday. Nothing else was on.

O Canada. I bet you're glad that we have Friends and Buffy.
12/02/2002 10:24:00 AM link | talk (3)