Biker Style

No I'm not talking leather. I'm talking about the people (and not just bikers) that I see on the bike path. There are some questionable fashion choices out there and it's only getting worse as it gets hotter. Going out every day (or almost every day) has given me the opportunity to make "bike path friends", people that I see on a regular basis, but never say more than good morning to. So I have to make up names for them myself.

Hippie Shoulder Bag: This is a long haired dude who always wears a shoulder bag and sandals. I've never seen him wear a shirt though, even when it was kind of chilly, and everyone else was in pants and sweatshirts. I enjoy him because he, like me, doesn't wear a helmet. We laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha!

MTV Beach House: This guy who jogs in lime green shorts would normally cause me to go into a fluorescent clothing furor. Except he has like 1% body fat. If that. Tan all over, perfectly floppy hair, and a white pooka (?) shell necklace. I ignore the shorts and concentrate on hating him.

Fat old shirtless man: This old guy is always seen carrying his shirt, although he seems to be exerting no physical energy whatsoever.

Snack Woman: She is always walking carrying a coke and a Snickers bar. And I always wonder if she thinks she's being healthy.

Soccer Mom: Usually seen in groups of two or more, the soccer moms wear long sundress-y type things and take up the whole path. Then they get mad if you warn them of your approach and they have to move. God forbid.

I'd also like to make a decree that really fat people should always wear something with sleeves. The shirts are just getting smaller and smaller, and there's nothing I can do about the tiny shorts they insist on wearing. Are they too lazy to find clothes that fit? I had to shop for a few hours to find shorts that did not make me look like a house. Do they just go to Wal-Mart and pick up whatever's the cheapest? Just because they are athletic shorts, and you think you're athletic, that does not mean you should wear them.

Don't get me wrong, they've got a right to be fat, and I applaud them for doing something to make themselves less fat, but it takes time...you have to work up to the sleeveless shirt. Do you think I wore a sleeveless shirt in public when I was pushing the scales to almost 200? No. I waited six months. It was like a little reward. And I still don't wear them to the gym. I know my place.

I'm not even going to get into the new trend of wearing sleeveless shirts to EVERY PUBLIC PLACE.

Yes I will.

They're called muscle shirts right? Implying that one should have muscles to wear them. I'll take it a step further and infer that one should be actively pursuing the gain of muscle while wearing them. Therefore, I pronounce that skinny boys going to Starbucks should rethink their sleeveless shirt/capri pants combo and go with something that normal people wear. And even muscley guys should say "hey...I'm not in the gym...I'll choose something a little less trashy."

Wow. I sound snobby and judgemental. (How weird...) Today I can blame it on lactic acid buildup from the ride, and the face that I haven't eaten breakfast yet. :)